All Categories

Self-esteem and the Eucharist

31/1/2015

     A while ago on mission a student shared with me about her struggle with depression and self harm. I didn't know how to respond in my own words, so I asked God to speak to her through me with His words, and what I found myself saying to her ended up affecting me as much as it did her. In that conversation I realised how much I also need to remember the truth of God's love for me all the time, and so I want to share it in the hope that it will do the same for you...

     We live in a world where lust is given freely and love is withheld for fear of rejection. I’ve spoken to so many girls (and guys!) whose deepest wounds come from a lack of love. But the bigger problem is that they’ve been made to believe they don’t deserve love. A culture where girls slate each other rather than affirming each other, and guys judge appearance rather than character, has led them to feel they can never be worthy of receiving love, and that there is nothing about them worth loving.

    For years I was one of those girls, and there are days when I feel like I still am! When I fall into the trap of criticising myself, the temptation is to shy away from Jesus for fear of being unworthy. But on those days I know it’s more important than ever to allow myself to receive what He offers me.

    Every single voice that tells you you’re inadequate, or invisible, or unworthy of love is a lie – and lies come from the enemy, who wants nothing more than to separate you from Christ. When those thoughts come up, choosing to cling to Christ is what will beat them, and I’ve found time and time again that the best way to do this is through the Eucharist.

The Eucharist is Jesus. Jesus is God. God is Love.

    Receiving the Eucharist is the first step towards accepting His love. You don’t have to believe that love initially to receive it, you just have to say yes to allowing Him to show you the truth. By opening your heart to receive Jesus, you give Him permission to begin to reveal to you the depth of His love. Jesus, in the Eucharist, can change your heart and change your life – He is so powerful that it’s impossible not to be changed. You may not see the changes as they happen, but over time He will open your eyes to the identity He’s given you.

    I believe the Eucharist is our greatest weapon in the battle against poor self-esteem, body image and self-worth. The real presence of Jesus within us tackles the lies directly, and replaces them with truth. He will fight for us, we have only to receive. We don’t have to fight the battle in our own strength. We can utilise this weapon simply by receiving the host and praying:

Jesus, I can’t see my own worth, but I trust that you want to show me. I allow you into my heart. Transform me from within, and reveal to me the truth of who I am and what I’m worth to you.

    God’s love is overflowing and unending, and He wants nothing more than to give it to us. He wants to be allowed into our lives, and allowed to show us His love. Learning to accept love can be painful, but we mustn’t let that stop us. There is no joy without pain, because joy comes from breaking barriers in our hearts and seeing the pain lifted. The reward of knowing the truth of what the Father sees in us is infinitely greater than the pain of getting there…

… and the greatest way to get there is the Eucharist.

2 Comments

Term 1 Highlights

21/12/2014

0 Comments

    Term #1 is over, and we’re a third of the way through our mission timetable for the year! This term has been full to the brim with excitement, exhaustion, mania, learning to expect the unexpected and moments of sheer joy. Instead of writing about it all in detail, I thought I’d just give you a few of my personal highlights from my first 4 months with Sion Youth:

1.       My new brothers and sisters! I absolutely LOVE the dynamic in our house, and as much as living in community is probably one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done, it’s also without a doubt the most rewarding.

2.      Before the Throne Conference. A few weeks ago several of us attended a gathering of youth leaders involved with the Catholic Charismatic Renewal across the UK. Despite a 45 minute turnaround to re-pack our suitcases after getting back from mission, the weekend was one the most blessed and Spirit-filled times I’ve ever experienced.

3.      Spending an hour chatting with some wonderful 6th formers about all things ‘women-in-the-church’ related: from marriage, to priesthood, to misinterpreted Scripture. The high-5 Hannah and I gave each other as we left the room confirmed that, yes, we’d successfully busted some myths. (Sorry Jesus for originally trying to get out of that workshop!).

4.      Introducing a packed sports hall to Jesus in Adoration… 3 times over! For many of the students this was their first experience of Eucharistic Adoration, which for me made it even more powerful.

5.    Student Testimonies! Aside from the amount of fun we have on mission, what really makes this job worthwhile is seeing how God moves in the lives of the students we meet. One student I prayed with received healing from intense anxiety, another was given the same message from God three days in a row through different people, and another described receiving immense closure on his past from God, as well as SO many other amazing stories!

6.     Our brothers cooking. One night the girls all found invitations outside our rooms asking us to get out our nicest dresses and join the boys for dinner. What a treat!! It was such a nice surprise to be honoured by our brothers, not to mention the outstanding dance moves they demonstrated later on!

7.      Silent Retreat. We finished the term with a silent retreat for 3 days at our other community house in Brentwood, Essex. I’d never done a silent retreat before, and was really surprised by just how much I enjoyed it. Not only was it a great opportunity to recharge after a hectic couple of weeks, but it also taught me a lot of useful things about myself, made me think much more deeply about what God’s plan is for my life (including throwing some interesting things into the mix – thanks God!), and hugely enhanced my prayer life.

    I’m so, so excited to get back into mission life after a much needed Christmas break, and to see what else God has in store for us as a team during the rest of the year!

0 Comments

Mission Accomplished!

3/11/2014

0 Comments

    Last week marked the start of the next phase of our journey this year: after completing our initial formation period, we embarked on our first high school mission. It was a tough week – physically, emotionally and spiritually – but it was so, so incredibly rewarding. It made me realise just how privileged we are to be able to do what we do. Day one was so packed that I don’t think I sat down for more than 15 minutes in the entire day, but seeing the team pull together and support each other in the moments of chaos was a huge encouragement, and this was something that continued throughout the whole week.

    Right from the beginning we saw the various words we’d received for the school through prayer beforehand being confirmed and fulfilled. It was humbling to see the power of God at work through seeing the reality of issues, names and situations we’d already prayed into prophetically, and being able to deliver the message of Christ where and how it was needed within the specific school we were in.

    All the assemblies were thoroughly blessed, and we enjoyed them more and more as the week went on. Since joining Sion Youth I’ve rediscovered my love of performing, which I haven’t had the opportunity to do properly since leaving school, so I absolutely loved the dramas, and the reactions they got from the students. I even surprised myself by actually singing in front of a packed hall (praise the Lord: He knows I’m no singer!!) - made even more surreal by the Franciscan friar on bass.

    I really enjoyed running the girls’ workshops – I know only too well just how desperately the message of the Father’s love and the beauty He sees in us all is needed, and the girls were really receptive to it. Hearing girls from Year 7 upwards move from describing the way they’re made to feel fragile, weak and inadequate to using words like strong, beautiful and courageous – of their own accord – was really moving. In one workshop, Hannah and I were able to pray for a girl with bone cancer in her right knee. We may never know the impact of our prayers, but our hope was (and is!) that our faith in that moment may be a witness to those who shared it with us.

    Receiving words of encouragement is something which I always get a lot out of, so the prayer and affirmation we offered each other as a team in the evenings were essential for me. Knowing that other people noticed and appreciated things I’d done, even when I may have doubted myself at the time, made me feel acknowledged and valued, and reminded me that God also sees and appreciates everything we do for Him.

    Most of all, I LOVED being together as a team, learning more about each other and growing to respect each other’s individual gifts. I love that we work so well together, I love that we can have a great laugh but also pray intensely and be vulnerable with each other, and I’m SO excited for what the rest of the year will bring!

0 Comments

hearing God's call...

30/9/2014

0 Comments

When I was 18 I (very) briefly considered applying to Sion Youth, but decided against taking a gap year so as to avoid the university fee increase the following year, and then forgot about it for three years. For the first two years at uni I fell heavily into the trap of thinking the high-flying graduate career was the only way to go. Everyone around me was ambitiously aiming for the top spots in banking, medicine and whatever careers would bring in plenty of money and plenty of opportunity for prestige and promotion. My own plan was to move to London, study for a PhD and eventually become a Clinical Psychologist.

But God had better plans...

As I entered my final year God completely wiped my plans, almost overnight. I became increasingly aware that I was being called to take time out for Him, but had no idea what form that might take. I prayed, and waited, and prayed, and waited, but I didn't feel any clearer about what God was asking of me. So I took the situation into my own hands and started to consider and even apply for various opportunities to serve Him.Eventually I had planned out a whole year's worth of courses and mission which, although Christian, had come from my own research rather than God's guidance. Without realising it I'd fallen back into the trap of mapping out my own life without giving God control.

Of course, God was aware of what was happening even if I wasn't, and He knew He had to drastically take back control. In a worship session at a retreat I went to over Easter, I felt Him urging me to lie flat before Him. In a relatively small worship space where everyone else was standing and dancing, this inevitably meant standing out from the crowd and making myself vulnerable. I wrestled with God for a long time, but eventually gave in. As soon as I hit the ground I felt God saying:

"Now you're ready to see my plan for you!"

I have no idea how much time passed, but when I got up from the floor all of me was saying 'SION'. It was such an utterly unexpected revelation but at the same time brought so much peace that I had no doubt it was from God. The more I prayed about it, the more certain I was that this was the right place for me. Though my journey to get here over the last year has been long and tiring, I've learned so much about God's unfailing power and love.

I feel so privileged to be able to be taught, moulded and guided in a Catholic setting - where everything I do is centred on Christ Himself in the Eucharist and the rest of life falls into place around it.

For me, Sion Youth isn't a 'gap year', it's a lifestyle. It's a key part of what I pray will be a whole life lived for the Lord.

0 Comments

It's only the beginning...

18/9/2014

0 Comments

    It’s been nearly a month since we moved into the Coventry house!! It seems to have flown by, but at the same time it feels like I’ve lived here my whole life! In such a short space of time this house has truly become our home. Coming from a small family I always wondered what it would be like to have more siblings, so I’m loving the opportunity to be part of this new family. I love being able to share life with my sisters, hear their advice and know that they understand me. Having never had any brothers, gaining four in one go has also been a huge blessing!

    The year kicked off quickly: we were only here for a few days before we travelled down to S.E.N.T. (the other community house, in Brentwood) for two weeks – the first week for a gathering of the whole community called Convention and the second week to begin our formation period with an intensive Life in the Spirit course over two days. The teaching was fast-paced, but the Holy Spirit matched it. The flood of grace left us exhausted yet energised, and ready to return home and get started with mission planning and even more teaching. Most recently we’ve had an incredible course on ‘Spirituality of Communion’ from Sr. Mary Paul, who flew over from Austria especially.

    I’ve also really enjoying preparing for our first mission week, which will be in almost exactly one month(!). We’ve been learning dramas, songs and mimes as well as practising sharing our testimonies and thinking about the types of workshops we could run. It’s been physically, emotionally and mentally draining, but we’ll definitely be ready to throw ourselves into the mission week when it comes along.

    I’ve learned so much about myself already from living in community – some things good, a lot challenging – but I’ve loved every second. Spending an hour a day in Adoration and another hour in community prayer has drawn me closer and closer to the heart of Jesus, and I’m so insanely excited to continue that journey!

0 Comments

Self-esteem and the Eucharist

Term 1 Highlights

Mission Accomplished!

hearing God's call...

It's only the beginning...

Esther

Archives

Categories