I love Back to the Future. Michael J. Fox, Doc, Einstein, Johnny B Good and the space time continuum, it's all great. It really adds weight to what some of the team have recently started terming me as, a Snerd, (that being a Secret nerd, obviously). However, I also feel like it's taught me a little about being a man in our confused culture.

Every time I watch the film(s), a feeling of utter panic comes over me as I see how each little thing Marty McFly does drastically changes the course of his and others' futures. I worry because right now, in my own life, I'm making decisions. Some bigger than others, some important, some less so. But each decision I make, whether it's being too lazy to get out of bed as soon as my alarm goes off, to deciding how to spend the next year of my life, has an impact on both my present and my future.

By not getting out of bed immediately and giving in to my body rather than practicing self-control, I'm saying that I'm ok with that being part of my future, and when deciding what to do with a whole year of my life I'm shaping what I will become in the future. The question that this always leads to is, is this what God wants for my future?

It's at this point where I become paralysed and decide not to make any more decisions about my life for fear of getting it 'wrong' and ruining everything God has planned for me. Seeing Marty and his siblings disappear from the photograph really made me worry. I mean, does the way I behave now really affect how any future family I have may turn out? These are the kinds of things that I think about (I mean, how ridiculous).

As a man in my twenties I feel the pressure to make decisions, it seems like all the big decisions come in your twenties and the horizons are portrayed to us as endless. The myriad of decisions, and the consequences of those decisions spread out before me like a wide open highway, but as I read recently, the reality is that 'when you consider your age, your situation, your gifting and training, the country in which you live, the economic forecast, I think you'll find that the horizon is not nearly as vast as you have been told.' This might sound discouraging or like a put-down, but actually, the options I have, and indeed we all have, are limited, and that is a blessing. Jesus said that broad is the path that leads to destruction and narrow is the gate that leads to life (Matt 7:13) and so having a more narrow path for us to follow is a good thing. It gives us a more clear path, one that we can actually follow.

How exactly does this all tie back in to back to the future? Well there's a part in the film where Marty gives Doc a letter containing information which directly relates to how he dies. Doc tears the letter up, claiming that it's not good for a man to know to much about his own destiny. He's right, but whilst the Lord does not give us the exact time and manner of our death, he does tell us about our ultimate destiny, heaven (we hope!). He also gives us the tools, people around us and ultimately his word and his Son to help us make those decisions and find the path. We, like Marty, just have to be open to asking for help.

At the end of his book Killing Lions Sam Eldredge offers us a few words that I believe we as men need to hear. I repeat this to myself often when in the midst of decisions, life's little crises and all the busyness of daily life. This accompanied by attentiveness to the voice of the Lord, both in his word and in prayer, and trust in him to keep you on the right path is the way to the narrow gate.

I am going to be ok,
I am going to find my way,
I am not alone.

At the start of my time off this Christmas I decided it was time for hair cut, and so I went down to a local barbers in my home town of Hereford. It seems I have unwittingly started some sort of ministry in evangelising hairdressers, as no matter what happens when I get my hair cut I always end up talking to them about God. I love it, and it solely because of that one tricky question 'So, what is it that you do...?' 'Well...' I start and always end up in conversation about my work as a missionary/youth-worker/evangelist type person.

There were two things that struck me from this conversation, the first is a fairly annoying observation about myself and my credibility as an authentic witness of Jesus Christ. I realised after leaving the barbers that I'd managed to have an entire conversation about 'what I do' without once mentioning the name of Jesus. This worried me as I walked away because Pope Paul VI tells us in Evangelii Nuntiandi that 'there is no true evangelization if the name...of Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of God are not proclaimed.' I came to this realisation that perhaps I'm very secure and comfortable in what I do, that Mission work is a safe place for me to talk about and share Jesus with others. But that I don't really take Jesus to the world anywhere else apart from that. That's not good enough for me. I can go through my life doing Mission, accepting all the praise and admiration from perfectly well meaning people without sharing the love of Jesus in a real, authentic way. God calls me to so much more than this, we're called 'to present your body as a living sacrifice' and not 'to be conformed to this world.' (Rom 12).
While the Mission work that we do great, God calls each one of us to proclaim the Gospel to all people, and not just the people that might I happen to meet on Mission. We are called, and I find this a personal challenge, to a 'lifestyle of mission' in order to be more authentic and effective witnesses to the Gospel, whether that's in the barbers, pubs, shops or wherever we might find ourselves in daily life. So that is my prayer this Advent and Christmas season. That as St Paul tells us, I/we might be transformed by the renewing of our minds, so that we may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Having said all that, there was another thing that struck me from my conversation with the barber. At one point in he asked me if I'd ever thought about doing this sort of work abroad, and that would that be fun. I agreed that it would be and that I have considered it. However, my reply was something to the tune of 'Well the thing is, I have a real passion for this country and to see the dwindling of faith in God in this country changed.' To which he asked if I saw it changing any time soon; and well, I have hope. What I have seen in the past few months of mission is a real thirst in young people to know Jesus. Not in some abstract way, but to really know Jesus, and the love and peace that he brings to our lives. Ultimately, many young people are searching for meaning and purpose and in Jesus we find the real answer. In the past few months I've seen many young people giving their lives to Jesus in new ways, many for the first time, others being strengthened in their faith and still more finding they have a faith but didn't even realise it! I am strongly of the belief that the situation in our country can and will change through the power and love of God and my experience of the past few months is just one of the reasons for this hope.

So I pray during this Christmas time that we may all be renewed in our authenticity as witnesses for Christ and also that we will see the change in this country in our lifetime. But also that we will keep hope for ourselves and each of the individuals we meet, and their own particular journey with God. Let's tell everyone about the love of Jesus!

I hope this gives you an insight into my past few months, my thoughts and life in general. 
Merry Christmas!

I must first confess, this is a re-post from an old blog of mine that I used to write, but I really liked it so thought I'd put it here. However, I must also announce, that yes, I am still here! I decided to take a second year with Sion Youth and the challenges and joys that that involves. Furthermore, enjoy my (slightly old) thoughts...

One of the things about my spiritual life that I enjoy is being able to make connections. Particularly slightly odd connections involving Christianity and popular culture. This is where Bastille comes in. After listening to the lyrics to the song Flaws I have decided that I find it's meaning, particularly the line mentioned above extremely relevant to my past experiences and the search to find real joy in life. There's a hole in my soul.

In my personal experience I've found this to be true. In the past I've tried, and seen others try, to fill this hole with just about everything earthly. But nothing earthly can satisfy, in fact CS Lewis said that 'The fact that our heart yearns for something Earth can't supply is proof that Heaven must be our home.' This is why I think people without faith struggle to find any meaning in their lives and so try to insert meaning into it, by distracting themselves in so many ways. Video games, TV, magazines, celebrities etc. and also the darker side to life; addictions for example, seem at least to me to stems from an attempt to fill the hole in our souls. It pains me to see so many people still struggling on in this way though and the mere fact that so many people don't even realise there is something worth striving for that it so much greater than ourselves is a great cause for concern.

It is precisely this problem, that we fail to see the bigger picture, that is at the root of much of our unhappiness as a culture. To have meaning, our lives must have a sure goal in mind. If we have no goal then our lives just become a bunch of actions and re-actions. But my goal, and the goal of all Christians, is heaven. Heaven, being the ultimate fulfillment of our desires and thus the filling of the hole in my soul.

I'm not entirely sure if I managed to capture the exact point of what my thoughts on this song were, but hopefully you get the essence of my meaning. That the fulfillment of our earthly desires can only come through Jesus. To many Christians reading this, it might sound obvious, but I found that when I eventually decided to apply this to my every day life it made me want to change things as I realised that nothing, no person, no job or qualification, no object, no food. Nothing earthly would make me happy. It was only when I came to understand Psalm 37:4 a little more that I realise where my ultimate fulfillment lies:

'Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your HEART.'

A week after the solemnity of St Joseph, Husband of Mary Our blessed Lady, is probably the best possible time of the year on which I could write a blog about manhood (apologies in advance to any female readers). As he is the ultimate example that we, as men, have to follow. Added to this is that myself and my brothers in community recently attended a men's retreat and so this seemed to make perfect sense to me. During the weekend I spent time in the company of men, old and young, committed in growing in their relationship with the Lord and challenging each other finding a little more about what being a man truly means in today’s world.

So this shall be my starting point, what does the world tell us men should be? You only have to look at the type of things marketed towards men to see what the world is telling our young men they should be. Top shelf magazines and general lad culture teaches men to objectify women. Highly charged, win at all costs attitudes in business teach men that if you're not earning more than the guy next to you then you're failing. Not forgetting the more obvious things like simple physical size; this teaches men that if you aren't big enough then you aren't good enough.
All of this expectation weighs heavy on our shoulders and to be perfectly honest, none of us are really capable of reaching these standards and sustaining them in our own strength. Of course there is also the danger of becoming the exception to the rule and actually meeting the standard set by the world. In the unlikely event that we do, the potential for excess and taking them to the extremes can be so damaging. I've heard many stories of people seemingly who have it all but on the inside it's a completely different story. Some of the testimonies of the double lives I've heard of very successful people, even people in positions of church leadership, can be very shocking.

But all of that said what does God say about how we should be as men? In my prayer life lately I've been asking God what he sees in me as a man. But more importantly what He is calling me to be, as at 22 I'm very much at the beginning of my journey really.
However I believe the Lord calls all men to be a strong, courageous example to others (Joshua 1:9), to have confidence, both in ourselves and in the Lord (Proverbs 14:26). He wants us to be men of great leadership, but not a domineering style of leadership but one of humility and servant-hood (1 Peter 5: 2-3). We should be men of deep faith and conviction in our God (Hebrews 11:1) and that we should learn to be wise in our words and deeds (James 3:13). Finally we should be reliable and trustworthy in what God has blessed us with (Luke 16:10) and we should show through this through our personal integrity and we will be upheld by God even in our troubles (Psalm 41:12).

If we still need any more help from God on what true manhood looks like, all we can do is look at the example, as I said earlier, of St Joseph. When we look to him we see a man who knew who he was, who knew his role in life. As the guardian of Jesus and Mary, he knew what God had called him to do and who God called him to be. He knew that it was his responsibility, in utter humility, to step aside and allow Jesus to be Jesus. We know this because in the Gospels, he said virtually nothing.

So this is my encouragement to all guys, allow God to instil these truths in your life and to believe them. Then watch yourself grow as a man of God.

I may have missed the boat (by quite some way) for this to be considered a 'New Years resolution' type blog post. However, I endeavour to share a few thoughts on what has been on my mind over this new year period, despite it being late January!

For Christmas, I received a number of books. Any one who knows me knows that I love to read, and particularly I love to read spiritual books. I see this as an important way to grow in the spiritual life. In fact, I see that good reading material is nothing short of vital to growth in the spiritual life. As the Australian author and writer Matthew Kelly says, 'what you read today, walks and talks with you tomorrow.' Not only does a good book inform and encourage us in the spiritual life but also encourages us to share what we've gained with others.

This morning I started reading 'Love & Responsibility' by the great Blessed John Paul II (or Karol Wojtyla as he was at the time of writing). JP2 is one of my personal favourites, a man I see as a real influence on my life and thinking. The book, however is not easy reading. While containing so much gold on sexual morality it is not a book that I'll finish any time soon. This is where my thinking really led me to the point of me writing this. That is that you can read all the books and gain all the knowledge you like, but without relationship with Christ being your ultimate aim in both spiritual reading and in regularly participating in the Eucharist then it seems to me to be in vain. But make relationship with Jesus your aim and experiencing his presence in the Eucharist then the rest seems to fit into place. As JP2 says 'To use means to employ some object of action as a means to and end- the specific end which the subject has in view. The end is always that with a view to which we are acting.' (LR p25). Make Jesus your aim in everything you do, then notice the change you see. I've seen this happen as recently as this afternoon. After struggling through with reading for an hour or so, then attending Mass, followed by Eucharistic adoration, my priorities have been set in order by the Lord. It is then, with great anticipation, that I await what I am to read on later.

All of that said, I am eagerly awaiting what the next few months will bring, as we have a long string of Missions coming and lots of work to do for the Lord!

God bless you all!

So life has been pretty crazy since I last posted here. But crazy in a very, very blessed way. We've had two missions and are about to go off on a 3rd this coming Saturday. I've been challenged in so many different ways it's hard to know where to start really. We had some great teaching on life in the Spirit and obviously a little rest but then we were off to Bury St Edmunds for mission.

This mission was a great experience for me, so many young people who really got on board with what mission week is all about. Many of them meeting Jesus in the times of adoration that we do at lunchtimes, and I had a number of great conversations with students. One of my favourite parts of mission is times of question & answer (typically in the Q&A workshop, but it seems to end up happening a lot more frequently). I find it very challenging and my brain is normally quite fried afterwards but it seems to me that many students have important questions they need answering about the faith and it is a great pleasure to give them some answers. One of my concerns about this sort of thing originally was that it would become a debate rather than people genuinely coming in search of answers, but it seems I was wrong in this regard. Most of the students I've encountered are in the process of a serious search for answers, and are led to believe in a lot of things about church teachings which are inaccurate and do a lot to put people off the church (obviously not helped by the media portrayal of her). But I've found it to be a really productive way of getting people talking about the faith and building them up in it.

It was after the Bury mission and that we had about a week off and also attended the 'Many streams, one river' conference in London with the rest of the community. We then moved on to Gravesend where we had a mission last week.




This mission was challenging in a few different ways. But still God moved really powerfully in a lot of the students. My challenge for this mission was to be more 'switched on' in our Prayer4U sessions, where we pray for and with students. Personally I felt like this was something I needed to improve in myself as this was a time where students could really come and meet God in a deep and personal way, and I needed to make sure I was helping them do this to the very best of my ability. This time I felt like I was able to achieve this, I saw a few students clearly touched by the Lord and a number of others who I'm sure He was working in even if they didn't say so.




One of the things I found difficult about this school at the beginning of the week was that I found it difficult to get them engaged with the spiritual side of mission, rather than just getting caught up in the fun side of it. However, I noticed a real change by the end of the week in the end of mission Mass. I saw many students engaged in the prayers and songs of the mass and it was really incredible to see this change. Part of what we do during the week involves trying to relate a lot of what we say to students, in some way, to the Mass. This is so that when we leave the school the students can appreciate its beauty more and so have something tangible to hold on to. I felt this was particularly evident this mission.




Anyway, as I say, we're off again on Saturday so time to enjoy my last day of rest before we start preparing again! God bless you all :)

So I recently got back from my first ever mission with Sion Youth! I said to the rest of the team during the weeks mission in De La Salle all boys school that it seemed to me that this was what I've been waiting for. I felt like a bird that after being caged for so long was finally able to stretch its wings and take its first flight, and a great ride it was. It seemed that everything we had been doing in our formation time and everything I'd personally been doing to prepare myself for mission had just come together so well. What's more is that God has been preparing me for this in so many ways as well, and it was just incredible to see his plan for me in action!

I found my time during the initial formation period from August until September to be many things; challenging, educational and inspirational are but a few choice adjectives. But what it did for me personally is so much for the better. I feel like a much more well-rounded, confident human being. Not because of anything specific that I learnt during the formation period, but because of the things God taught me in the classroom of silence, in prayer. It's the basis of our prayer time in Community that I've found to be the most important thing for me. Then to take that out on mission is the best way to be sustained.

I could speak on our first mission and how it went for an age, but my hands would get tired and you would probably stop reading after a while. So I shall try and capture it's essence briefly. Firstly, it went well. God did some incredible things in a number of the young people that we ministered too, including a few of healings, and hopefully the fruits of that will be seen for a long time. We were in Jersey for a total of 3 weeks (although myself and the new team members were there for the final 2 weeks) where the All Girls and the All Boys Schools had week long missions each and sandwiched in between was a week where we ran evening sessions for the Islands confirmation candidates. But what I really want to say is what God taught me through our time there. There were two big things He taught me I believe about my attitude and sentiment when on mission. He taught me that I have to remember who mission is about, and that it's most definitely not about me! But having said that, it is about me. As if I'm not in the right frame of mind then I wont be the face of Jesus to those that I meet and that is what’s really important.

However, we have just under 3 weeks to wait until our next mission which seems like an age. My solution I have decided, is that with the grace of God, to get to work preparing myself to take on what He's taught me and to be able to hit the ground running. But this time with greater purpose and progress. I'll be taking the time to sharpen my mind, body and spirit, ready to make our next mission even better!